i'M bACk..


Yup.. I'm back to work.. Hmm.. the Bintulu trip was okay, I guess. At least, it was different - different place, different people and different environment. I enjoyed the view of the sea (though I never got to go to the seaside) and I even managed to watch the beautiful sunset. The LNG plant was amazing and I had a very productive trip! But that aside, I had loads of time to think during the trip and I think I know now why I've been depressed..

Truth is - I'm just feeling so so alone. My friend, Fred told me that I'm probably suffering from a 'heartbreak', but that's not it. I wasn't feeling like shit just because some bastard dumped me (so okay, I felt stupid and used, but I'm glad we're through..). I was feeling like shit because I wanted to be hugged, pampered and showered with love. sigh.. It's hard to define loneliness. I mean, I'm so blessed with loads of wonderful friends and I'm hardly alone (in the literal sense). But sometimes, you can be in a roomful of people and still feel so lonely.. :o(

I know that happiness lies within you.. and deep down, I just wasn't happy. Stupid as it may sound, I sometimes wonder why I'm still unattached. Haha.. Weird kan? I mean, it's not like I want to be married or something (at least not yet!), but wouldn't it be great to have someone to share your hopes and worries, your grumbles and joy, your pain and shame, etc..? I know couple-dom isn't everything. In fact, whenever I'm in a relationship, I feel that I'm better-off OUT of it! But hey, at least there's someone to argue with, kan? And hey.. I miss the sweet messages and late phone calls.. I miss holding someone's hands, I miss being kissed and I miss the fighting and the making ups..

Okay la.. 'nuff la about all these depressions. It's time I snap out of it, kan? Maybe that's why I'm losing hair -- I just think TOO much! hahah.. so sekarang ni, I don't want to think too much.

-- the weird thinker..