cAn OnE fALL oUt Of LOvE...?
I don't know. I've never really, really fallen IN love, so I really don't know if I can fall OUT of it. I had a very interesting conversation with a friend tadi. Of course I can't tell you who lah kan? I mean, I know you're like my e-diary or something, but hey, I have the right to not disclose everything too.. hehhe..
Anyways, my friend finally found out that her lover still has got the hots for her. Sigh.. I wish it was me. I wish it was me knowing if my sweetie still loves me. I know my friend and I tu pernah gaduh about this. She said: "You know, I wish he never told me that he loves me. Because now, I just don't know if he still loves me and it's making me go crazy." I don't know la. For me, I'd love to know if someone loves me. Call me vain. Call me an attention seeker. Fact is, if someone loves/adores/likes/lusts/admires me, please tell me. Heheh...
But in a way, she's right. No point knowing a person loves you, and then leaving you wondering if he still loves you or not... (huh?). I mean, like in the case of my sweetie and I. So okay, he told me years ago that he loved me. He LOVED (notice it's past tense?) me. But now, I pun tak tahu if he still does. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore. I mean, how can you tell if a person loves you.. still? Ntah lah.
In my case, sometimes I wish I tak pernah tahu yang dia suka kat I right from the first time he saw me. I wish I never knew all that, because, for the life of me, I am still curious to know if he loves me still.
Ayo. I'm rambling. Again. I always ramble about my sweetie kan? I can't help it lah. Sebab he's constantly fucking my brains. Making me wonder if dia sayang I lagi ke tak. In case you're wondering if it matters if dia sayang I or not, I still say it does matter. Sebab I masih sayang kat dia. I might not want to be with him or go through my life's journey with him again, but the fact remains that I miss him. I do. And I just want to know if I still mean a lot to him. I want to know if he misses me too. It's so tak aci. For me to miss him and for me to not know if he feels the same way. I need a closure. If he doesn't love me anymore, then I need to know. I need to know if he hates me so that I can close this chapter of my life.
"It's over, dear. You know it." Someone told me before. Maybe I should just listen to the advice. Maybe I should just accept the fact that he doesn't love me anymore and get on with my life. But what if he does love me still? After all, dia masih takde pengganti I. Not that I know of, lah.
Oh gosh. I'm so so confused. No matter what, I still wish I know what he's thinking now. Remember the movie 'Being John Malkovich?'. I wish life is as easy as that. I wish I could just go inside his brains and find out what he thinks. Sigh. Whatever la. I'm rambling. Again.
Hmmm... Chen emailed just now. To tell me that she's getting married. On June 22. I can't believe that she's getting married. But what's more unbelievable is that she honours me as one of her friends that made a footprint in her life. It's amazing how someone thinks so highly of you when half of the time you don't even know what's going on in her life.
Well, enough blogging for the day. I sebenarnya pun tengah runsing. You see, I don't want to see someone, but I think I akan bump into the person. But I do want to bump into the person. But I don't want to bump into the person because I'm afraid. So how...?
Sigh... Haruskah, aku berlari? Haruskah aku menangis lagi? Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh, dari dirimu. Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh dari kasihmu..
Is it just me, or am I getting more fey-long these days...? hehehehe.... Muahs!
ps./ Oh oh.. Nak citer jugak.. On my way to work tadi, I almost langgar THREE motorcyclists! Not my fault! They all yang bawak like the road belongs to their fathers!! hehehe... Okay la.. sometimes I can a monster behind the wheels, but I'm definitely an angel today.. :-)
I don't know. I've never really, really fallen IN love, so I really don't know if I can fall OUT of it. I had a very interesting conversation with a friend tadi. Of course I can't tell you who lah kan? I mean, I know you're like my e-diary or something, but hey, I have the right to not disclose everything too.. hehhe..
Anyways, my friend finally found out that her lover still has got the hots for her. Sigh.. I wish it was me. I wish it was me knowing if my sweetie still loves me. I know my friend and I tu pernah gaduh about this. She said: "You know, I wish he never told me that he loves me. Because now, I just don't know if he still loves me and it's making me go crazy." I don't know la. For me, I'd love to know if someone loves me. Call me vain. Call me an attention seeker. Fact is, if someone loves/adores/likes/lusts/admires me, please tell me. Heheh...
But in a way, she's right. No point knowing a person loves you, and then leaving you wondering if he still loves you or not... (huh?). I mean, like in the case of my sweetie and I. So okay, he told me years ago that he loved me. He LOVED (notice it's past tense?) me. But now, I pun tak tahu if he still does. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore. I mean, how can you tell if a person loves you.. still? Ntah lah.
In my case, sometimes I wish I tak pernah tahu yang dia suka kat I right from the first time he saw me. I wish I never knew all that, because, for the life of me, I am still curious to know if he loves me still.
Ayo. I'm rambling. Again. I always ramble about my sweetie kan? I can't help it lah. Sebab he's constantly fucking my brains. Making me wonder if dia sayang I lagi ke tak. In case you're wondering if it matters if dia sayang I or not, I still say it does matter. Sebab I masih sayang kat dia. I might not want to be with him or go through my life's journey with him again, but the fact remains that I miss him. I do. And I just want to know if I still mean a lot to him. I want to know if he misses me too. It's so tak aci. For me to miss him and for me to not know if he feels the same way. I need a closure. If he doesn't love me anymore, then I need to know. I need to know if he hates me so that I can close this chapter of my life.
"It's over, dear. You know it." Someone told me before. Maybe I should just listen to the advice. Maybe I should just accept the fact that he doesn't love me anymore and get on with my life. But what if he does love me still? After all, dia masih takde pengganti I. Not that I know of, lah.
Oh gosh. I'm so so confused. No matter what, I still wish I know what he's thinking now. Remember the movie 'Being John Malkovich?'. I wish life is as easy as that. I wish I could just go inside his brains and find out what he thinks. Sigh. Whatever la. I'm rambling. Again.
Hmmm... Chen emailed just now. To tell me that she's getting married. On June 22. I can't believe that she's getting married. But what's more unbelievable is that she honours me as one of her friends that made a footprint in her life. It's amazing how someone thinks so highly of you when half of the time you don't even know what's going on in her life.
Well, enough blogging for the day. I sebenarnya pun tengah runsing. You see, I don't want to see someone, but I think I akan bump into the person. But I do want to bump into the person. But I don't want to bump into the person because I'm afraid. So how...?
Sigh... Haruskah, aku berlari? Haruskah aku menangis lagi? Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh, dari dirimu. Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh dari kasihmu..
Is it just me, or am I getting more fey-long these days...? hehehehe.... Muahs!
ps./ Oh oh.. Nak citer jugak.. On my way to work tadi, I almost langgar THREE motorcyclists! Not my fault! They all yang bawak like the road belongs to their fathers!! hehehe... Okay la.. sometimes I can a monster behind the wheels, but I'm definitely an angel today.. :-)
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