i cHeAteD dEatH, aGaiN..
Yes, I almost died. Again. Last night.
(This is the third time I had a hint of death; the first two being my spinal operations in 1992 and 2001 respectively.)
But nothing beats the nightmare I encountered last night. I crashed the divider along the highway near KLIA and worse still I risked the lives of two of my dearest friends.
It's been about 12 hours now since the incident happened, but I'm still so badly shaken. I still shudder at the possibility of all three of us making it to the papers today. 'Reckless driving caused death of three NST reporters.' Worse still, the news would have reported that the three weren't chasing some worthy 'news', but instead were rushing off for dinner.
Oh God. I am just so glad to be alive. And I'm glad Zuls and Nels are alive. I really am. I cannot imagine how I can be so dense, risking the life of others. The accident was entirely my fault. I was speeding (as usual, thinking I'm in control of the steering wheel) and I skidded at a sharp corner. My baby Erina was badly smashed kat depan (on my right). But I'm just so proud of her. I think she saved my life. If I were in Areysha the Kancil, I'd have died. Instantly.
Not that Areysha isn't strong enough to protect me, but the impact would be too strong for her to handle. Thank God I was wearing safety belt masa tu. I normally don't, but I guess, God was really protecting me last night. No, He protected all of us last night. With the safety belt fasten around me, I was stuck firmly to my sit and still managed to take control of the steering wheel.
Anyway, Zuls, Nels and I suffered some minor bruises. Thank God for that. It was a horrible accident and I hope I'll never come across such incident again.
It was difficult sleeping last night, knowing you almost killed your friends. I think I dozed off at around 4am after exchanging sms-es with Reym*ee. Yup. I accidentally called him around midnite and so wrote him an sms telling him
about the accident. He sms-ed me back at around 3.30am sounding concerned. I think dia baru habis recording or practising for next Friday's performance. It was nice to get a comforting sms from him. 'Please take care dear', he said. Wish he had offered to pinjam one of his cars, but that would be expecting too much lah kan..
I woke up at around 6.. still feeling horrible. Thank God (again) mama and ayah are just so cool about it. Mama offered her car and ayah offered to help me pay for the car, which would have cost a fortune. But I politely declined both offers. I think I'm finally growing up and I told them I'll work things out somehow.
Zelle was a real angel.. (God bless her!). She picked me up from home this morning, dropped me off at the office and told me that we can go home together until I get my car back. So baik, kan..? Last night, when I called Syuk, he said he'll try and get me a spare car that I can use until I get my baby back. He's in Alor Setar he said, but he would try and work things out on Monday. Veera offered a room in the apartment which he shared ngan Sushma and said I can sleep there if I like. At least I don't have to worry about travelling to work. And he even offered to drive me around. And how can I not hug Patrick? He made sure Erina is in good hands. Oh.. and how could I forget Ashraf's concerned messages? At least he cares..
Sigh. I'm still feeling so horrible. I feel like crying now.. for being so stupid last night, for risking the lives of my friends, for hurting my baby Erina.. And I also feel like crying sebab I feel so alone and so afraid and so confused.
The hug from Zuls last night helped tremendously. She's just so brave. It was me who was hanging on to her. The funny thing was, after everything happened, all I wanted to do was to run to someone and have him hug me, telling me that everything would be alright. I know his strong arms would protect me and I could cry all I want. So I sms-ed him, and though he sounded concerned, he didn't indicate that he wanted to see me to make sure I was alright. Instead, he just told me to take care of myself.
In a way, I'm glad I didn't see him last night. I'd break down and crumble, I think. Ntah lah. Maybe I should stop expecting people to cuddle me and be there for me all the time.
Which reminds me, I have to apologise to Zura too. Can you imagine, if I didn't make it last night, Zura wouldn't even know why I 'kecik hati' ngan dia. Come to think of it, so bodoh kan? To just 'kecik hati' sebab she didn't tell me that she was sick? Sigh. She's not around now, so hopefully I can catch her next week. I really need to apologise, for my childish behaviour.
I'm at the office now, finishing up some stuff. I am going home. Told Norman I'm taking the day off. Tomorrow too. I just want to be alone. I know I have a lot of growing up to do.
So will I speed again? Of course. But not when I'm driving a car-full of people. It's okay to do stupid stuff when you're alone, but I will NOT risk the lives of my loved ones ever again.
I dah tak tahu nak tulis apa. Can I cry instead of write? Sigh. All I want to do now is curl up in bed and cry my heart out.
Oh.. there's so much to say, but I'm just too tired lah. My brain's addled and I worry about my baby. And oh ya.. the man who supposedly 'loved me' tu, well.. he didn't even make any attempt to show that he's worried about the crash. Yes, he knew about it, yet remained silent. So I finally understood that he just doesn't care about me. It's just silly me who's still clinging on to the memories. So now, why should I care, kan...?
Ntah lah. I'm just so tired. Enough blogging for the day lah. Will blog again when I have the energy.
ps./ Nels and Zuls, thank you for being the best angels anyone could have asked for!
Yes, I almost died. Again. Last night.
(This is the third time I had a hint of death; the first two being my spinal operations in 1992 and 2001 respectively.)
But nothing beats the nightmare I encountered last night. I crashed the divider along the highway near KLIA and worse still I risked the lives of two of my dearest friends.
It's been about 12 hours now since the incident happened, but I'm still so badly shaken. I still shudder at the possibility of all three of us making it to the papers today. 'Reckless driving caused death of three NST reporters.' Worse still, the news would have reported that the three weren't chasing some worthy 'news', but instead were rushing off for dinner.
Oh God. I am just so glad to be alive. And I'm glad Zuls and Nels are alive. I really am. I cannot imagine how I can be so dense, risking the life of others. The accident was entirely my fault. I was speeding (as usual, thinking I'm in control of the steering wheel) and I skidded at a sharp corner. My baby Erina was badly smashed kat depan (on my right). But I'm just so proud of her. I think she saved my life. If I were in Areysha the Kancil, I'd have died. Instantly.
Not that Areysha isn't strong enough to protect me, but the impact would be too strong for her to handle. Thank God I was wearing safety belt masa tu. I normally don't, but I guess, God was really protecting me last night. No, He protected all of us last night. With the safety belt fasten around me, I was stuck firmly to my sit and still managed to take control of the steering wheel.
Anyway, Zuls, Nels and I suffered some minor bruises. Thank God for that. It was a horrible accident and I hope I'll never come across such incident again.
It was difficult sleeping last night, knowing you almost killed your friends. I think I dozed off at around 4am after exchanging sms-es with Reym*ee. Yup. I accidentally called him around midnite and so wrote him an sms telling him
about the accident. He sms-ed me back at around 3.30am sounding concerned. I think dia baru habis recording or practising for next Friday's performance. It was nice to get a comforting sms from him. 'Please take care dear', he said. Wish he had offered to pinjam one of his cars, but that would be expecting too much lah kan..
I woke up at around 6.. still feeling horrible. Thank God (again) mama and ayah are just so cool about it. Mama offered her car and ayah offered to help me pay for the car, which would have cost a fortune. But I politely declined both offers. I think I'm finally growing up and I told them I'll work things out somehow.
Zelle was a real angel.. (God bless her!). She picked me up from home this morning, dropped me off at the office and told me that we can go home together until I get my car back. So baik, kan..? Last night, when I called Syuk, he said he'll try and get me a spare car that I can use until I get my baby back. He's in Alor Setar he said, but he would try and work things out on Monday. Veera offered a room in the apartment which he shared ngan Sushma and said I can sleep there if I like. At least I don't have to worry about travelling to work. And he even offered to drive me around. And how can I not hug Patrick? He made sure Erina is in good hands. Oh.. and how could I forget Ashraf's concerned messages? At least he cares..
Sigh. I'm still feeling so horrible. I feel like crying now.. for being so stupid last night, for risking the lives of my friends, for hurting my baby Erina.. And I also feel like crying sebab I feel so alone and so afraid and so confused.
The hug from Zuls last night helped tremendously. She's just so brave. It was me who was hanging on to her. The funny thing was, after everything happened, all I wanted to do was to run to someone and have him hug me, telling me that everything would be alright. I know his strong arms would protect me and I could cry all I want. So I sms-ed him, and though he sounded concerned, he didn't indicate that he wanted to see me to make sure I was alright. Instead, he just told me to take care of myself.
In a way, I'm glad I didn't see him last night. I'd break down and crumble, I think. Ntah lah. Maybe I should stop expecting people to cuddle me and be there for me all the time.
Which reminds me, I have to apologise to Zura too. Can you imagine, if I didn't make it last night, Zura wouldn't even know why I 'kecik hati' ngan dia. Come to think of it, so bodoh kan? To just 'kecik hati' sebab she didn't tell me that she was sick? Sigh. She's not around now, so hopefully I can catch her next week. I really need to apologise, for my childish behaviour.
I'm at the office now, finishing up some stuff. I am going home. Told Norman I'm taking the day off. Tomorrow too. I just want to be alone. I know I have a lot of growing up to do.
So will I speed again? Of course. But not when I'm driving a car-full of people. It's okay to do stupid stuff when you're alone, but I will NOT risk the lives of my loved ones ever again.
I dah tak tahu nak tulis apa. Can I cry instead of write? Sigh. All I want to do now is curl up in bed and cry my heart out.
Oh.. there's so much to say, but I'm just too tired lah. My brain's addled and I worry about my baby. And oh ya.. the man who supposedly 'loved me' tu, well.. he didn't even make any attempt to show that he's worried about the crash. Yes, he knew about it, yet remained silent. So I finally understood that he just doesn't care about me. It's just silly me who's still clinging on to the memories. So now, why should I care, kan...?
Ntah lah. I'm just so tired. Enough blogging for the day lah. Will blog again when I have the energy.
ps./ Nels and Zuls, thank you for being the best angels anyone could have asked for!
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