A prayer..

Dear God,

I wish that I could go to Travel Times. I don't know how long l can stand, before I lose my sanity. I miss him so much, you see. His touches, his kisses, his smell, his fingers, his hugs. It pains me to be able to see him, but to not hold him. I try to act so brave, pretending everything is alright. But it's not. And each day, I go through another lie, pretending like I don't care, when in fact, I do.

I'm tired, God. Tired of all the pretendings and hoping that maybe one day he'll turn around and tell me he misses me too. I'm tired of waiting for the day when things will finally turn out right.

So God.. the transfer to Travel Times would be a real treat for me. I can still do what I like (which is to write) and I will still be able to come to the office and sniff the lovely smell of print. I'd only be one floor down, and I can still feel comfortable knowing that he is just one floor up. But that's just temporary. The comfort feeling, I mean. I believe that when I don't get to see him, I won't think of him too much and maybe then, I'll learn to let go. Then once I'm done with the letting go bit, I wouldn't even think if he's actually working just one floor up from me.

God, I'm rambling. But you know what I mean. And I truly hope you'll see me through this. I know I'll miss my friends at the 4th floor, but hey, I'm just one floor down. I wish I can tell them I'm sorry for wanting this transfer so badly. I wish they understand the trauma that I go through each day and I wish they'd forgive me for screwing up my own career because of one stupid man. It's like a stupid one-night stand and you live to regret it for the rest of your life.

Well actually, I've never regretted meeting him and knowing him. And God, thank you for showing me what love and affection is all about. But God, how I wish the whole 'experience' ended differently.

God, thank you for listening. And please grant my wish to be transferred. I promise to be a good girl if I get my wish.. :-)

Amin.