WhaT a WeEkEnd..

THE GOOD PART:
Nadia's engagement was alright.. She looked really good in her peachy baju kurung. I was at her place on Friday night.. we decorated the stairs, polished the trays for the hantaran and then we just sat talking. She showed me her shoes untuk nikah, and we talked about the wedding. I felt kinda woozy (thank God I went to the clinic on Friday night) so I left right after the whole thing - at about 5pm on Saturday. Then again, maybe all these talk about wedding betul-betul made my head pening..

THE BAD PART:
It's finally over between me and my flirt partner. Oh, he was fine.. still flirting and all. Yes, he still has the cheek to tell me he 'misses' me and that he wants us to 'make love'. "The next time we're together, I want to do something to you until you beg me to make love to you," he said on Sunday.
Somehow, I found the whole statement revolting. I normally felt really appreciated when he talked about my clits and nipples, but the 'conversation' we had on Sunday made me feel so used.

Ntah lah.. I think it's time I be in a serious relationship. I'm not a child anymore and I'm no longer in college where I can afford to go out with guys who are not even serious about me. It's not like I am in a rush to get married, but I think I deserve to go out with men who truly appreciate me for who I am. When I first started flirting with that man, I just wanted to learn from him. And learned, I did. Because of him, I now know my capabilities. I also know my limits and I know my strengths and weaknesses. I should be thankful for that. I may not have graduated (cuz I'm still very much a virgin), but because of him, I know what I want in a sexual relationship.

I think the recent 'Merdeka' not only reminded me of how lucky I am to be born in the 70s, but it also reminded me that I am independent enough to lead a happy life.

And so, here's my Merdeka anthem for this year:

I Will Survive
-Gloria Gaynor

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey hey)

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little girl
who fell in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (oh)...!