OoPs!
Zety and I gi canteen tadi.. sebab nak beli air untuk buka. Then I saw him. Gasp! Ayo! I never thought I would see him there. But there he was.. Ayo. And of course our eyes met. And I looked away.. don't ask me why I did it, but I did it.. and then I turned to look at him again and I found that his eyes was still at me. Ayo.. I gave a nervous smile and he smiled back. Cair lah diriku ini buat seketika.
Heheh.. my heart was beating so fast, I felt I was trembling. Ayo.. why ah..? Okay.. okay.. I am gonna stop gushing about him.. Sigh. Must stop gushing. Sigh. But at least now we know that the man still affects me.. Sigh..
Lets move on to a more interesting subject. I have not been blogging for quite awhile, so there are loads to tell. I had dinner with Osman last night.. So best... The food was, Ya Allah, sedapnya!!! I highly recommend Opus kat Bangsar.. So okay, it's a little pricey.. (my fetuccinni carbonara cost RM21, when you can get one with meatballs at San Francisco for just RM11), but the place is nice. Plus, there's this cute waiter there too.. (Thank you sweetheart for a lovely buka puasa. We have to do it again. This time, my treat.. I promise..)
It was nice meeting Osman. And yes, he's as cute as ever. No. No. I think he is cuter now since the last time I saw him. He put on a little weight and looked more nourished. He was, of course, complaining about his weight and wanting to lose some, but I totally disagree. I think he looks better with a little meat on him.
Anyway, last week, I went for 8TV punya launch. Met Izam, though I missed Rey*mee. He was there at the launch tapi tak terserempak. Sigh. And then guess what? I wrote a story about 8TV for news! (another gasp!) I have to admit, seronok jugak tengok byline I in the main papers. And seronok jugak to feel the adrenalin rush as Ashraf, Sharif, Joseph and Calvin kecoh-kecoh pasal my story. No one kecoh-kecoh at my desk when I do my story.. Probably because my stories are always not so urgent anyway..
Hmmm.. it was nice meeting Izam. He is so cute.. and he is really nice. But I still found him a little cocky though.. and I told him so. And guess what? He was so affected by it! Whatever it is, we sorted it out last night. He reminded me how he had to 'jaga' my little Innuendo box when I was sick in hospital and how much our friendship mattered to him. So sweet kan? Can't believe I actually met him while IRC-ing dulu and he was just starting out in music. And he is the COO of 8TV now.. sigh. 'You can come and lepak at my office anytime,' he said. Hmm.. frankly, I am a bit malu lah.. hehhe.. I mean, he is after all, the COO! Takkan nak sesuka hati masuk bilik dia. But he did tell me to come and I might just pay him a little visit. 'The room is still so me,' he said. Somehow, I believed him. I can imagine his room having all his music posters, his CD collections, personal pictures and of course, I'd be disappointed if he tak letak my caricature gift kat bilik dia.. heheheh.. Sigh.. I am gushing about Izam now.. Sigh.. Izam.. Izam.. You are still the sweet, humble person I knew almost seven years ago lah, boy.. ;-)
While we're talking about TV and all, I have to confess that I have yet to make my decision. I know I have to decide by tomorrow. I know I have to determine my future by tomorrow.
Kekadang tu, rasanya macam nak take the easy way out. Lets face it lah. I am not cut out to do news. I don't even know what's happening sometimes. I don't think I can ever write a good news story and I have no ambitions whatsoever to someday sit at the editor's desk. I hate the pressure and I have terrible news sense. (In fact, I don't think I have any news sense at all!) To top it off, I have to deal with my own demons at the news desk. It will be tough to even prove my worthiness as a reporter at the news desk. Sigh..
But leaving wouldn't be easy either. One of the two most important men in my life is there. Oh. Wait a minute. Maybe he is no longer important to me as much I am no longer important to him. Whatever lah. But I have got great friends there. Friends who matter. I have established a good relationship with many people there and it would be sad to just leave them. And what about all the perks I get as a reporter at the NST? The cheap flights (I never use them, anyway), my friends, the free papers, the cheap phone deals, my friends, the occasional free food, the extra cash from the overtimes that I do, my friends, the time flexibility (though this privilege would be abolished once I start at the news desk), my own laptop (though I am sure I can afford a new one if I join TV3), my friends, the lepak working environment.. have I mentioned 'my friends'?
On the other hand, TV3 sounds exciting. A chance to do copywriting and to work with a bunch of consultants. If I am lucky enough, I might just get myself hooked with one of the consultants.. heheh.. Plus, there're more cute guys at TV3.. so who knows? heheheh.. Plus.. Izam, Kim, Rina, Peter have all joined 8TV. Their office is just one floor above and I can pop in anytime to see them. And I know Sherina would be a good boss. It will be really fun working with her, doing something totally different and get to go to all of TV3 functions. Sounds exciting, kan? It's like, giving myself a new chance to be born again. I have made some huge mistakes at NST and working at TV3 will be like a new beginning. I have just been given an empty sheet of paper, untarnished and unspoilt. It's clean and neat and I can still design it anyway I like. At NST, my paper is crumpled, dirty and smelly. I know that no matter how I try to erase it, the dirt will never go away. I guess, that's what mistakes are. You can't do anything to repair them; you've just got to learn from them so that when you are given a new sheet of paper, you won't end up drawing the 'un-eraseable' mistakes..
I am actually looking forward to filling up my new paper using new colours and all. If possible I don't want it to end up ugly. So yes, I am anxious, excited and looking forward to it. But the pay sucks.. plus I only get 16 days of leave compared to 28 days of what I am getting now. I can't claim overtime (which means no extra cash) and I could sense that my new colleagues are all into beauty and glamour. Uh oh. How would this ugly duckling ever survive at TV3....? Sigh.
Whatever it is, I have to make my final decision esok. To either take a new sheet of paper, or to hold on to my ugly paper and try to behave so that people would soon forget how dirty it is. I doubt they'll ever forget and since I know I can't erase it, sometimes I feel it's easier to just accept a new sheet. Problem is, the ugly paper is not entirely ugly. It's got some very beautiful things on it that are just irreplaceable.
Osman reminded me again yesterday: life is harder when you have more choices. When you lack of choice and you are forced to do something, you just do it. No matter how difficult the task is, you still do it because you need to survive. But if you have more choices, life becomes harder because you don't want to live regretting you've ever made the choice in the first place.
I hate those 'solve your own mystery' Nancy Drew series. I like to read the book as it is, page by page. As it is now, I hate having to decide if I should stay or leave. If I stay, I'd be hurting myself because I know a huge task of wanting to prove my capabilities awaits me. But if I leave, I'd be hurting the people who matter to me.
I have about 12 hours left to decide. Oh dear..
Zety and I gi canteen tadi.. sebab nak beli air untuk buka. Then I saw him. Gasp! Ayo! I never thought I would see him there. But there he was.. Ayo. And of course our eyes met. And I looked away.. don't ask me why I did it, but I did it.. and then I turned to look at him again and I found that his eyes was still at me. Ayo.. I gave a nervous smile and he smiled back. Cair lah diriku ini buat seketika.
Heheh.. my heart was beating so fast, I felt I was trembling. Ayo.. why ah..? Okay.. okay.. I am gonna stop gushing about him.. Sigh. Must stop gushing. Sigh. But at least now we know that the man still affects me.. Sigh..
Lets move on to a more interesting subject. I have not been blogging for quite awhile, so there are loads to tell. I had dinner with Osman last night.. So best... The food was, Ya Allah, sedapnya!!! I highly recommend Opus kat Bangsar.. So okay, it's a little pricey.. (my fetuccinni carbonara cost RM21, when you can get one with meatballs at San Francisco for just RM11), but the place is nice. Plus, there's this cute waiter there too.. (Thank you sweetheart for a lovely buka puasa. We have to do it again. This time, my treat.. I promise..)
It was nice meeting Osman. And yes, he's as cute as ever. No. No. I think he is cuter now since the last time I saw him. He put on a little weight and looked more nourished. He was, of course, complaining about his weight and wanting to lose some, but I totally disagree. I think he looks better with a little meat on him.
Anyway, last week, I went for 8TV punya launch. Met Izam, though I missed Rey*mee. He was there at the launch tapi tak terserempak. Sigh. And then guess what? I wrote a story about 8TV for news! (another gasp!) I have to admit, seronok jugak tengok byline I in the main papers. And seronok jugak to feel the adrenalin rush as Ashraf, Sharif, Joseph and Calvin kecoh-kecoh pasal my story. No one kecoh-kecoh at my desk when I do my story.. Probably because my stories are always not so urgent anyway..
Hmmm.. it was nice meeting Izam. He is so cute.. and he is really nice. But I still found him a little cocky though.. and I told him so. And guess what? He was so affected by it! Whatever it is, we sorted it out last night. He reminded me how he had to 'jaga' my little Innuendo box when I was sick in hospital and how much our friendship mattered to him. So sweet kan? Can't believe I actually met him while IRC-ing dulu and he was just starting out in music. And he is the COO of 8TV now.. sigh. 'You can come and lepak at my office anytime,' he said. Hmm.. frankly, I am a bit malu lah.. hehhe.. I mean, he is after all, the COO! Takkan nak sesuka hati masuk bilik dia. But he did tell me to come and I might just pay him a little visit. 'The room is still so me,' he said. Somehow, I believed him. I can imagine his room having all his music posters, his CD collections, personal pictures and of course, I'd be disappointed if he tak letak my caricature gift kat bilik dia.. heheheh.. Sigh.. I am gushing about Izam now.. Sigh.. Izam.. Izam.. You are still the sweet, humble person I knew almost seven years ago lah, boy.. ;-)
While we're talking about TV and all, I have to confess that I have yet to make my decision. I know I have to decide by tomorrow. I know I have to determine my future by tomorrow.
Kekadang tu, rasanya macam nak take the easy way out. Lets face it lah. I am not cut out to do news. I don't even know what's happening sometimes. I don't think I can ever write a good news story and I have no ambitions whatsoever to someday sit at the editor's desk. I hate the pressure and I have terrible news sense. (In fact, I don't think I have any news sense at all!) To top it off, I have to deal with my own demons at the news desk. It will be tough to even prove my worthiness as a reporter at the news desk. Sigh..
But leaving wouldn't be easy either. One of the two most important men in my life is there. Oh. Wait a minute. Maybe he is no longer important to me as much I am no longer important to him. Whatever lah. But I have got great friends there. Friends who matter. I have established a good relationship with many people there and it would be sad to just leave them. And what about all the perks I get as a reporter at the NST? The cheap flights (I never use them, anyway), my friends, the free papers, the cheap phone deals, my friends, the occasional free food, the extra cash from the overtimes that I do, my friends, the time flexibility (though this privilege would be abolished once I start at the news desk), my own laptop (though I am sure I can afford a new one if I join TV3), my friends, the lepak working environment.. have I mentioned 'my friends'?
On the other hand, TV3 sounds exciting. A chance to do copywriting and to work with a bunch of consultants. If I am lucky enough, I might just get myself hooked with one of the consultants.. heheh.. Plus, there're more cute guys at TV3.. so who knows? heheheh.. Plus.. Izam, Kim, Rina, Peter have all joined 8TV. Their office is just one floor above and I can pop in anytime to see them. And I know Sherina would be a good boss. It will be really fun working with her, doing something totally different and get to go to all of TV3 functions. Sounds exciting, kan? It's like, giving myself a new chance to be born again. I have made some huge mistakes at NST and working at TV3 will be like a new beginning. I have just been given an empty sheet of paper, untarnished and unspoilt. It's clean and neat and I can still design it anyway I like. At NST, my paper is crumpled, dirty and smelly. I know that no matter how I try to erase it, the dirt will never go away. I guess, that's what mistakes are. You can't do anything to repair them; you've just got to learn from them so that when you are given a new sheet of paper, you won't end up drawing the 'un-eraseable' mistakes..
I am actually looking forward to filling up my new paper using new colours and all. If possible I don't want it to end up ugly. So yes, I am anxious, excited and looking forward to it. But the pay sucks.. plus I only get 16 days of leave compared to 28 days of what I am getting now. I can't claim overtime (which means no extra cash) and I could sense that my new colleagues are all into beauty and glamour. Uh oh. How would this ugly duckling ever survive at TV3....? Sigh.
Whatever it is, I have to make my final decision esok. To either take a new sheet of paper, or to hold on to my ugly paper and try to behave so that people would soon forget how dirty it is. I doubt they'll ever forget and since I know I can't erase it, sometimes I feel it's easier to just accept a new sheet. Problem is, the ugly paper is not entirely ugly. It's got some very beautiful things on it that are just irreplaceable.
Osman reminded me again yesterday: life is harder when you have more choices. When you lack of choice and you are forced to do something, you just do it. No matter how difficult the task is, you still do it because you need to survive. But if you have more choices, life becomes harder because you don't want to live regretting you've ever made the choice in the first place.
I hate those 'solve your own mystery' Nancy Drew series. I like to read the book as it is, page by page. As it is now, I hate having to decide if I should stay or leave. If I stay, I'd be hurting myself because I know a huge task of wanting to prove my capabilities awaits me. But if I leave, I'd be hurting the people who matter to me.
I have about 12 hours left to decide. Oh dear..
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