I'M jUst a tYPiCAL cRab..

I went into hiding last weekend. I tutup my phone from Saturday afternoon and shoved it in the closet and only retrieved it this morning..

Sometimes, I need to hide. To shut myself out from the whole wide world. To just pretend (even for awhile) that nobody exists.

I dah penat sebenarnya. Been trying to pretend that everything's alright.. when it's not. I'm just tired. Tired of constantly worrying if I've hurt other people.. if I've said or done the wrong thing. Why must it always be me to be so conscious of how other people feels? Do people actually bother about how I feel? Does anyone care if I actually hurt at all?

Anyway, my emotion tank was nearly full last week.. almost on the verge of tipping over, in fact. I was just overwhelmed. So many things playing in my head that if I didn't retreat into my shell, I'd probably go insane. Yes, I am a crab. A typical crab who hides whenever there's trouble. In a way, I was running away, without technically running away..

Two days was I need to recuperate. I kept mostly to myself.. reading Judith McNaught's 'Remember When' in the comfort of my room. Oh.. went out on Saturday for awhile (badly needed a drive, so I drove past Section 16 and to Jalan Duta and to Damansara), helped mom with her 'kuih suji' and back to the book. On Sunday, helped dad with his 'chocolate chips' and then it's back to the book again. Hmm.. Cole Harrison and Diana Foster were my only friends during the weekend. I smiled when they made love and cried when they fight. It's so easy to lose yourself in a good book, kan?

Anyway, the weekend was good. I miss my friends (especially sms-ing my dearest B), but sometimes, you need to hide to appreciate your friends. I am glad my friends were so understanding. They left me alone.. with an occasional 'hope you're okay' message.

Truth is, I wasn't okay. I felt like I was in the pits and I just needed to think. To think things through and toughen myself up.

When you get caught in the rain and there's no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain, without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved but nobody comes
And you feel so far away that you just can't find your way home
But you can get there alone.. it's okay..
And you just say:
"I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own and I know that I’m strong enough
to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith and I live one more day
And I'll make it through the rain.."

Insya Allah.. I'll make it through the rain. This time, I will.