yOu jUst CaN't pLeaSe eVErYOne..

Learnt that again, yesterday. Sigh. I miss those times when we were kids.. when life seems less complicated.

Ingat tak how friendship used to be so easy. Kita gaduh over so many things, but at the end of the day, we'll be friends all over again.

Oh yes. There were fights. Almost everyone of us wanted to marry someone from New Kids on the Block. I remembered fighting over Jo*ey Mc*Intyre with Yen Wah.

But we fought differently. It was never: "I'm prettier, therefore I should be marrying him." There were no competitions.

Suz told me last night that she just doesn't understand why there's bitterness in the office. And there's always someone who's got something to say about somebody.

"I don't know lah. I guess, favouritism still rules in the company," I said.

Which is true. There are so many talented writers out there who are just so dedicated. But most of them are not appreciated. Maybe because they were 'associated' to a particular boss, that when the boss is no longer in power, the person has no one to cling on to anymore. Maybe it's also rezeki.

Ntah lah. It's hard to please everybody kan? Mesti ada yang akan terluka or terasa 'sidelined'.

I remembered feeling 'sidelined' once. Masa tu, a good friend of mine got promoted and I wasn't. While I was happy for her promotion, I began questioning why I didn't get promoted. Was it because I was such a lousy writer? Was it because I wasn't hardworking enough? Was it because I had someone who 'purposely' didn't want me to grow in the company?

I remembered feeling frustrated.

But I was lucky. I had someone (at that time) who made me see things in a different way.

"Everything happens for a reason. If it's not your rezeki to be promoted, it's not lah. But someday, when you have rezeki, the promotion will be yours. Why bother about promotions? Why bother about whether people see your talents or not? As long as the people that you care about know how intelligent you are. Or how capable. That's what matters, right? You work not to be promoted (but if you do get promoted, that's a bonus lah), you work because you enjoy what you do.."

And he's right. I've been 'passed on' for promotion because "my boss doesn't think I want one". That is so duuh, kan? Who wouldnt want the extra money?

I was pissed. That time.

But I realise that everything happens for a reason. God knows I don't deserve the promotion. With the promotion comes the expectations. And for the life of me, I don't want to be pressured to write well. I want to write because I want to explore the subject.

I'm luckier these days, I think (someone must be looking down for me from above). I love the writings that I'm doing and while I'm 'sort-of' pressured to 'deliver', I am given the opportunity to learn and explore ways of writing.

It's been good really.

Gurl, don't feel disheartened okay? Good things will come your way. You've just got to be patient. You are one of the brightest writers in the office and I'm sure opportunities will come your way soon. But we have discussed how we shouldn't be 'stuck in the moment' kan? I know sometimes, Cik Bots take you for granted. Hell, he still takes ME for granted! But trust me, he knows how well you work and it'll be beneficial for you.. Really. At Press time (heheheh), I still don't know if I'm going to Penang.. Fae*zah said 'yes' (though she made me promise to finish ALL my work! ayo.. mampus!!), but ultimately, it'll still depend on the big boss. In her effort to cut cost, she might not want me to go (since the company would have to pay for my stories and all..). Whatever it is, kalau you pergi, I gate-crash and bunk kat your hotel room boleh...? hehehe.. I'm thinking of taking a trip la.. Kinda miss Sar*ban and Mar*ina... Oh.. the trip's from July 14 to 17 or 18.. :-)