wHat A wAy tO eNd tHe yEaR..

Am feeling really, really, really crappy today. Don't really feel like waking up until Nels and Syah called to tell me to go to work.

Sigh. Perlu ke pergi kerja?

Anyway, memula tu, I thought I nak end the year with a bang. Last night, masa tengah go through my closet cari baju to be donated, I had actually picked out an outfit to wear to work today. I was supposed to wear a really, really, really short light blue skirt with a sweet, white blouse.. I even tried it on and looked like I'm all ready to party.

Kononnya, nak make an impression lah on the last day of 2004. Hmmm.

Tapi, when I woke up today, I rasa so empty. And so melancholic. (No, it's definitely NOT PMS.)

I cried on my way to work. Sigh. Can't help it lah. I know it's so stupid to cry, but I rasa so sedih and so disappointed.

I was still crying bila sampai office and spent about five minutes in the car and cried some more. Bodoh kan? I don't normally cry, but it seems macam tahun ni, I banyak sangat nangis.

I've just finished proof-reading and betulkan my pages and I've not had lunch. Funnily, I'm just not hungry though my last meal was half-of-a-naan kat Lotu*s last night with Ruth, Emi*lyn, Tha*ne and Aisy*ah. Tapi, nasib baik lah Ham gave me a piece of nice cake, so I guess the sugar should be enough to give me the energy kot..

Sigh. I don't know why I'm doing all these and I know my friends would knock me on the head if they know the reasons of my misery. Tapi, boleh tak, untuk hari ni, I just want to cry...?

I don't feel like moving from my chair today. Can I just stay at my seat the whole day?

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Tears are threatening to fall again..

I hope next year would be a better year for me. I don't want to cry so much, I don't want to waste my tears unneccessarily.

I should stick to my resolution to get rid of all the men in my life, kan? They are NOT worth my tears and my misery. I just want to be single for awhile. To not think of anyone, but me.Then I would not get disappointed when someone cancelled a date with me. I would not get upset when someone doesn't look at me, or talk to me, or reply my sms-es. Kini bebas.. pergi jauh dari minda ini.. Kini bebas.. hilang dari rasa yang sering resah kerana cinta tiap masa..

Ayo.. macamana ni? Am supposed to attend a party tonight, tapi macam tak bersemangat. Will I be able to grit my teeth and smile, or will I break down and cry some more..?

It's a bad day lah.

Bukan salahmu,
Apa dayaku,
Mungkin benar cinta sejati,
Tak berpihak pada kita..

Kasihku,
Sampai di sini kisah kita
Ku tak harus tangisi keadaannya,
Bukan kerana kita berbeza..

Dengarkan lagu ini,
Melodi rintihan hati ini,
Kisah kita berakhir di Januari..

Mungkinkah kisah kita akan berakhir pada Januari 2005?

Sigh.

Anyway, here are the top two New Year messages that I got so far (so sweet kan..?).. and may next year be a better year for me (Insya Allah).
- Faith makes all things possible.. Hope makes all things work.. Love makes all things beautiful. May you have all three as you begin this new year..
- I wish you a 2005 with cheer in the air, mirth in your voice, colour in your eyes, wisdom in your mind, peace in your heart, song in your soul, spring in your steps and love in your being..

Hmmm.. have a great year ahead everyone..