sO mAnY tHiNgS rUnNiNg iN My hEaD!

Vee*ra passed away on Monday.. while having dinner with his family. It was all so sudden. I just saw him a few hours before he passed on.

Anyway, Nor*man was the one who broke the news to me. And he instructed me to head on to the hospital to help out with the obituaries and all. Masa tengah terkejut tu, my fingers automatically dialled this one particular number. Funny how the number isn't on my speed dial, or even a number that I regularly dial. But somehow, when I'm confused or lost or sad, it's always this particular number that I would call first.

Tapi, after talking to this friend of mine, I felt kinda stupid. I mean, I am always running to him when I'm in difficulty, but he has never turned to me when he needs help. Not even once. Terasa lah jugak macam I am the only one yang suka menyusahkan hidup dia..

So I made a vow to myself to never run to him again. I mean, friendship, like any other relationship, is a two-way thing. The best of friends rely on eachother. You can't always give and not receive. Neither can you just receive and not give. Friendship is all about give and take. Unfortunately, in this case, I've always been the "taker" and never the "giver". Sigh..

My dear friend.. You know how much I adore you. But I guess it's time that I learn to stand on my own two feet. I have to admit that hearing your voice has a calming effect on me. Funny kan, during my times of need, I'd rather hear your comforting voice than anyone else.

Sigh.. maybe you think it's me who's changed. Especially since I'm dating someone now kan? But don't you know that deep down, it's you that I care about still?

I'm sorry if I've ever caused you pain, or troubled you. I'm sorry if, at times, I still run to you for hugs. I know now that I have to grow up.

You take care okay? And yes, I do love you still. Sigh.. If only we weren't so different...